Has life ever shot back at you in response to your efforts to thwart it? Well, that’s what happened to me tonight. Actually, it all started when I moved into my new digs a half mile away from the beautiful beach of Huntington Beach. Never in my life have I lived so close to the beach; and every day after work I feel like I’m on vacation when I come home. The catch is that I wasn’t alone. I had a friendly neighbor in my backyard who had arrived there just before me. I’ve decided to name him Gopher Glenn, post-mortem. He was a cute little guy who decided to tunnel through about a quarter of my backyard over a three month period. My yard is 16’ x 25’. Not miniscule. I counted thirteen exit holes and two central dens, which were comprised of sizable mounds of dry dirt excavated from within Gopher Glenn’s cozy home. So a friend of mine shared the brilliant idea of flooding the little guy’s humble abode to route him out as he had done years back when he encountered a similar situation and was in jeopardy of losing his cherry tree to a gopher’s appetite for its roots. I decided to take his advice and follow suit. And I even had a backup plan. After careful research at Home Depot, I obtained Gopher Gasser... I prepared to battle for my territory. I felt a sense of pride being able to defend against such wild creatures of the West. I was blazing my trail!
I commenced phase one, Operation Genesis Flood at night, the only time I had that day to complete my mission. So I had to use my SureFire P1R Peacekeeper. Boy was I glad I had that much light. I could see everything, or so I thought. That’s when my plan all fell apart unbeknownst to me until two days later. Apparently, Gopher Glenn was a whole lot more resourceful than I could have imaged. After I executed my first flood phase, I surmised in hindsight that the little rascal bolted from his home and b-lined it for dryer ground. Guess where he went? Right past me and my clearly lighted path, through my open backyard sliding glass door, and into my pristine, newly decorated sanctuary. Completely oblivious to his stealthy escape, I gave myself a first-round pat on the back for being so self-reliant and resourceful. I shut the hose off after two hours of flooding Gopher Glenn’s home and pretty much my entire backyard. I figured my neighbors wouldn’t appreciate if I submerged their flora and exposed their wooden deck to further wood rot. So I let a day go by in order for the first flood to dissipate. The next day I arrived back home from work ready to execute phase two, Operation Genesis Flood – Resurgence, at 8:45 PM. Just in case Gopher Glenn retreated to an emergency escape tunnel, I was going to get him on the second round of flooding. This time I used my SureFire Maximus™ headlamp so that I had the use of both hands, making it much easier and a bit faster to flood my backyard. In a matter of thirty minutes his tunnels were submerged once again.
In the meantime, I began moving about my house tidying up and cleaning my son’s toys. I went into his room and turned on his floor lamp. Except the $150 lamp didn’t turn on, not even a flicker. This time I grabbed my kiddo’s EB1 Backup® (yes, I have a SureFire light in every room of my house) to see what the issue might be. Hoping it was a faulty outlet, I decided to try another one. That’s when I saw a thousand little incisions across the lamps electrical cord. I was completely perplexed and disturbed by this site. Instantly I pondered the possibility of a little varmint running around my beautiful home wreaking havoc. I started to follow a trail of uprooted carpet strings which quickly led to a dead-end as they dissipated. Drawing my attention back to Ben’s lamp, I began to study the cuts in the cord. It occurred to me that this might have been the work of my friendly furry neighbor, or some mouse. However, I saw no further signs of animal clues. I deduced with Sherlockian precision that these cuts must have been made from a man-made tool of complexity, scissors. Ah ha! Elementary! Now there was only the culprit left to link to the crime. My kiddo must have used the titanium-coated scissors from the kitchen the day before when he was upset that I would not allow him to stay up late watching television and frolic with him. I vaguely recalled he threatened to cut the carpet when I informed him it was bedtime and that he needed to be a good listener and follow my instructions. This thought truly disturbed me as I have only known my son to always be inclined to be truthful, even to the point of immediately admitting on his own accord that he did something he shouldn’t have. So I prepared myself to gently and compassionately confront him about this seemingly serious issue of trust the following day when it was my turn to have him. So once again I halted the flood in my backyard two hours later with the twist of the hose’s water handle. And off to bed I went.
The next evening my kiddo and I arrived home. We had a simple, yet delightful dinner of scrambled eggs and toast, playtime, bath, and then bedtime. I quietly exited his room, and made my way to the living room on my way to the kitchen. It was 9:15 PM. Suddenly, I heard scampering and what sounded like sharp knocks on wood in the direction of my brand new, expensive couch. I froze and my heart stopped... The horror of a varmint under my couch instantly filled me with anxiety. How long has it been there? What damage has it done and is presently doing? How utterly unsanitary is this situation? How am I going to get rid of it NOW! My skin crawled. So like the brave frontiersmen I imagined myself to be, I grabbed my trusty SureFire 2211 Luminox® WristLight® and blasted 300 eye-searing lumens of pure white light underneath my couch. I scanned across the fifteen-foot span as clear as day. Nothing, nada. No sign of the invader. Yet I still heard its activity as if it’s a foot away from my ears. I brought my 2211 to bear right in front of me. I intensely observed that area with abated breath. In a turn for the worse, I saw movement from the underside cloth of my couch. The varmint was in the couch! Ahhhhh!!! I think my face contorted between a look of disgusted horror and total panic. I flipped the sectional over to discover the beast created a small opening by eating its way through the underside cloth. How in the HELL was I going to get this pest out of my COUCH??? I had to regroup and call a friend for moral support. While I was explaining the situation with half amusement and disgust, the damn vermin bolted out of the upturned sectional and into the corner under the other couch section. I immediately hung up the phone and executed a half-baked plan to capture the little terror. I emptied my plastic garbage bin, laid it on its side, and with a broom stick and my life-saving 2211, I began herding the furry creature to its targeted destination. At the same time, I was able to clearly identify it as a cute, furry Gopher. And I notice that he had begun to eat away at the corner leg of my beautiful, new couch! All I could picture was the Gopher in Caddy Shack getting down with his bad self in the rolling credits. This little guy looked at me as if to say “What? I’m makin myself comfortable. The least you could do is leave me in peace after ya destroyed my home. Go on, get outta here.” That was not going to happen. I funneled Gopher Glenn into my garbage bin with determination that could have won me an Olympic gold medal. I was not about to let him free and chance that he comes back with reinforcements only to conquer my home. Needless to say, the rest is history. How ironic that my efforts to rid myself of Gopher Glenn turned out to only escalate my plight? Yet in the end a little portion of the wild West was conquered, though at great cost and burden to a hard-working dad making his way in this rough wilderness… May your trials and tribulations be swift and deliver you unto a better place in your life. And don’t forget to grab a SureFire light! You never know when you’re gonna need it. Signing off. Cheers!
Huntington Beach, CA
See the P1R Peacekeeper™, SureFire Maximus™, EB1 Backup®, and SureFire 2211 Luminox® WristLight®:P1R Peacekeeper™ SureFire Maximus™ EB1 Backup® SureFire 2211 Luminox® WristLight®
I am totally night blind due to a genetic mutation in both alleles of the rhodopsin gene. My life used to be ruled by the amount of available light, not being able to pursue certain activities after sunset until the following morning. Just to be able to walk outside at night, I've depended on SureFire flashlights, starting with the 100-lumen models. However, with the SureFire Maximus™ 500-lumen rechargeable headlamp, for the first time ever, I feel that my day is not finished when the sun sets. I no longer need to bump into things, feel my way around, or just wait until daylight; SureFire has essentially extended my workable day. Thanks immensely for your great products, which continue to get ever better.
Chestnut Hill, MA
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I have a commercial pressure-washing business, and we pressure wash restaurants and other businesses at night. I use my SureFire Maximus™ headlamp to illuminate the job when I pressure wash at night. Some of the businesses I wash are in some pretty rough parts of town, and twice in the past year I have been able to ward off attempts by bad guys trying to steal my equipment while I was working. The 500 lumens from my Maximus make it seem like daylight and can blind a perpetrator from 50 yards away.
Thanks, SureFire, for making the best lighting products I have ever used, regardless of price. You get what you pay for, and my security is priceless!
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