Has life ever shot back at you in response to your efforts to thwart it? Well, that’s what happened to me tonight. Actually, it all started when I moved into my new digs a half mile away from the beautiful beach of Huntington Beach. Never in my life have I lived so close to the beach; and every day after work I feel like I’m on vacation when I come home. The catch is that I wasn’t alone. I had a friendly neighbor in my backyard who had arrived there just before me. I’ve decided to name him Gopher Glenn, post-mortem. He was a cute little guy who decided to tunnel through about a quarter of my backyard over a three month period. My yard is 16’ x 25’. Not miniscule. I counted thirteen exit holes and two central dens, which were comprised of sizable mounds of dry dirt excavated from within Gopher Glenn’s cozy home. So a friend of mine shared the brilliant idea of flooding the little guy’s humble abode to route him out as he had done years back when he encountered a similar situation and was in jeopardy of losing his cherry tree to a gopher’s appetite for its roots. I decided to take his advice and follow suit. And I even had a backup plan. After careful research at Home Depot, I obtained Gopher Gasser... I prepared to battle for my territory. I felt a sense of pride being able to defend against such wild creatures of the West. I was blazing my trail!
I commenced phase one, Operation Genesis Flood at night, the only time I had that day to complete my mission. So I had to use my SureFire P1R Peacekeeper. Boy was I glad I had that much light. I could see everything, or so I thought. That’s when my plan all fell apart unbeknownst to me until two days later. Apparently, Gopher Glenn was a whole lot more resourceful than I could have imaged. After I executed my first flood phase, I surmised in hindsight that the little rascal bolted from his home and b-lined it for dryer ground. Guess where he went? Right past me and my clearly lighted path, through my open backyard sliding glass door, and into my pristine, newly decorated sanctuary. Completely oblivious to his stealthy escape, I gave myself a first-round pat on the back for being so self-reliant and resourceful. I shut the hose off after two hours of flooding Gopher Glenn’s home and pretty much my entire backyard. I figured my neighbors wouldn’t appreciate if I submerged their flora and exposed their wooden deck to further wood rot. So I let a day go by in order for the first flood to dissipate. The next day I arrived back home from work ready to execute phase two, Operation Genesis Flood – Resurgence, at 8:45 PM. Just in case Gopher Glenn retreated to an emergency escape tunnel, I was going to get him on the second round of flooding. This time I used my SureFire Maximus™ headlamp so that I had the use of both hands, making it much easier and a bit faster to flood my backyard. In a matter of thirty minutes his tunnels were submerged once again.
In the meantime, I began moving about my house tidying up and cleaning my son’s toys. I went into his room and turned on his floor lamp. Except the $150 lamp didn’t turn on, not even a flicker. This time I grabbed my kiddo’s EB1 Backup® (yes, I have a SureFire light in every room of my house) to see what the issue might be. Hoping it was a faulty outlet, I decided to try another one. That’s when I saw a thousand little incisions across the lamps electrical cord. I was completely perplexed and disturbed by this site. Instantly I pondered the possibility of a little varmint running around my beautiful home wreaking havoc. I started to follow a trail of uprooted carpet strings which quickly led to a dead-end as they dissipated. Drawing my attention back to Ben’s lamp, I began to study the cuts in the cord. It occurred to me that this might have been the work of my friendly furry neighbor, or some mouse. However, I saw no further signs of animal clues. I deduced with Sherlockian precision that these cuts must have been made from a man-made tool of complexity, scissors. Ah ha! Elementary! Now there was only the culprit left to link to the crime. My kiddo must have used the titanium-coated scissors from the kitchen the day before when he was upset that I would not allow him to stay up late watching television and frolic with him. I vaguely recalled he threatened to cut the carpet when I informed him it was bedtime and that he needed to be a good listener and follow my instructions. This thought truly disturbed me as I have only known my son to always be inclined to be truthful, even to the point of immediately admitting on his own accord that he did something he shouldn’t have. So I prepared myself to gently and compassionately confront him about this seemingly serious issue of trust the following day when it was my turn to have him. So once again I halted the flood in my backyard two hours later with the twist of the hose’s water handle. And off to bed I went.
The next evening my kiddo and I arrived home. We had a simple, yet delightful dinner of scrambled eggs and toast, playtime, bath, and then bedtime. I quietly exited his room, and made my way to the living room on my way to the kitchen. It was 9:15 PM. Suddenly, I heard scampering and what sounded like sharp knocks on wood in the direction of my brand new, expensive couch. I froze and my heart stopped... The horror of a varmint under my couch instantly filled me with anxiety. How long has it been there? What damage has it done and is presently doing? How utterly unsanitary is this situation? How am I going to get rid of it NOW! My skin crawled. So like the brave frontiersmen I imagined myself to be, I grabbed my trusty SureFire 2211 Luminox® WristLight® and blasted 300 eye-searing lumens of pure white light underneath my couch. I scanned across the fifteen-foot span as clear as day. Nothing, nada. No sign of the invader. Yet I still heard its activity as if it’s a foot away from my ears. I brought my 2211 to bear right in front of me. I intensely observed that area with abated breath. In a turn for the worse, I saw movement from the underside cloth of my couch. The varmint was in the couch! Ahhhhh!!! I think my face contorted between a look of disgusted horror and total panic. I flipped the sectional over to discover the beast created a small opening by eating its way through the underside cloth. How in the HELL was I going to get this pest out of my COUCH??? I had to regroup and call a friend for moral support. While I was explaining the situation with half amusement and disgust, the damn vermin bolted out of the upturned sectional and into the corner under the other couch section. I immediately hung up the phone and executed a half-baked plan to capture the little terror. I emptied my plastic garbage bin, laid it on its side, and with a broom stick and my life-saving 2211, I began herding the furry creature to its targeted destination. At the same time, I was able to clearly identify it as a cute, furry Gopher. And I notice that he had begun to eat away at the corner leg of my beautiful, new couch! All I could picture was the Gopher in Caddy Shack getting down with his bad self in the rolling credits. This little guy looked at me as if to say “What? I’m makin myself comfortable. The least you could do is leave me in peace after ya destroyed my home. Go on, get outta here.” That was not going to happen. I funneled Gopher Glenn into my garbage bin with determination that could have won me an Olympic gold medal. I was not about to let him free and chance that he comes back with reinforcements only to conquer my home. Needless to say, the rest is history. How ironic that my efforts to rid myself of Gopher Glenn turned out to only escalate my plight? Yet in the end a little portion of the wild West was conquered, though at great cost and burden to a hard-working dad making his way in this rough wilderness… May your trials and tribulations be swift and deliver you unto a better place in your life. And don’t forget to grab a SureFire light! You never know when you’re gonna need it. Signing off. Cheers!
Huntington Beach, CA
See the P1R Peacekeeper™, SureFire Maximus™, EB1 Backup®, and SureFire 2211 Luminox® WristLight®:P1R Peacekeeper™ SureFire Maximus™ EB1 Backup® SureFire 2211 Luminox® WristLight®
I carry my EB1 Backup® EVERYWHERE. One night, we were working on a bridge that spans a large river. We were replacing boat navigation lights, so all we had were our helmet lights, which were underpowered for the task at hand. I figured we’d be done in an hour or so, so I just got on with it. Well, about 30 minutes into the shift, I heard a gurgling sound. I looked down toward the direction of the sound but couldn’t see anything peculiar. The river often plays tricks on your mind, so I took little notice of it. But then, all of a sudden, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, so I instinctively reached for my EB1, shined it in the direction of the gurgle. “Man in the water!” I shouted as I noticed what looked like the top of someone’s head bobbing along the river. Luckily, we had a rescue boat on standby, which was quickly mobilized and successfully recovered the man. The police were surprised that we could identify the man so quickly, given our weak headlamps. When I showed the officer my EB1 he was surprised by the light output, given its tiny size.
About a month later, the rescued man came to personally thank me. He had been going through some very hard times and had decided to take his own life, which he said he regretted as soon as he hit that cold river water! He, too, was surprised that I could spot him so quickly in the water. I told him that he had two things on his side that night: a big bald head that was easy to spot, and my EB1 Backup. He and I have since become great friends. Like me, he now carries an EB1 everywhere he goes. And we’ve both joined our local search-and-rescue team!
See the EB1 flashlight:
I am an EMT with the Haines Vol. Fire Dept. in Haines, Alaska, and had an ambulance call for a woman in her 60s who was having a heart attack or cardiac event. She was on the floor clutching her chest, and I was attempting to start an IV line so we could administer cardiac drugs, but the lady was very obese in the arms and it was not working well. Her heart rate was 32 bpm, and her blood pressure was very low. We needed to get a vein quickly or she would probably die.
Out of pure desperation, I grabbed my SureFire Backup® flashlight and held the lens to the fleshy area of the bend of her elbow—just like when a child will put a flashlight in a hand or mouth to get that orange glow. It worked, and I could see a vein through her fatty flesh. I held my Backup in place as my partner got the IV in place on the Illuminated vein and then administered the needed cardiac drugs and stabilized the woman. Without my SureFire Backup, that woman might very well have died. Now I teach this little trick to new EMTs and tell them the story of how it saved that woman’s life.
See the EB1 flashlight:
Hurricane Sandy was devastating my neighborhood, and it was time to obey the warnings and leave. High winds and pounding rain made it very dangerous for everyone, and fireman and police officers were mostly using flares at intersections because of power outages and their flashlights dying in the downpour. I gave my two SureFire E1B (now EB1) Backup® flashlights and a 12 pack of SureFire batteries to two officers helping cars get past some downed, sparking power wires. They wanted to pay me for them, but I, of course, refused and told them to stay safe. I was leaving the area for safety, but the police had to stay and keep things safe. I knew there was no way those lights would fail them, not even in a hurricane.
East Syracuse, NY